The Top 5 Things to Successfully Overcome Severe Anxiety, Depression, and Suicidal Ideation and to Thrive as a Result

First, the Struggle (note: contains triggers): 

Since I was about eight years old, I’ve suffered from depression, anxiety, and panic attacks related to a severe anxiety disorder that was not diagnosed correctly until I was eighteen. Without, and later with, a diagnosis came medications — pain-management meds, anti-nausea and anti-vomiting meds, antacids, muscle-relaxers, and later antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications. This is the first line of defense: medicating. This is the reason I am my own self-advocate when seeking medical treatment of any kind: even a severe anxiety disorder with depression and suicidal ideations at its peak can be effectively treated without medications — take this from someone who knows.

When I say “severe” anxiety disorder, I mean I suffered in these ways: 

•  Consistent and prevalent panic attacks 
•  Consistent anxiety attacks (yes, these are different events) 
•  Significant malnutrition from a co-morbid hormonal imbalance and “burning through” everything I’d eat as if I was running a marathon each day 
•  Constant hunger that, over the years, developed into unexplained and uncontrollable vomiting in the face of any real stressor 
•  A muscular lock-up that made it painful to move — I couldn’t open a door without sharp pains throughout my torso, and I couldn’t twist without pain from hips to ears; often, my only relief was laying flat on my back, and sometimes that didn’t relieve all the pain or the headaches
• After about the age of sixteen, violent, painful, loud, and constant hiccoughs (ranging from 90 to 200 hiccoughs a day without an anti-anxiety medication) 

The above is not a comprehensive list, and it still may not be enough to share how terrible my experiences were throughout my adolescence and teen years. None of the above can relate the thoughts of drowning myself in the bathtub next to me because I couldn’t keep a drop of water down and I was too weak to move from the bathroom floor. None of the above can relate a 5-day hospital stay after committing myself to the ER when one of these medications made me hold a gun to my head multiple times a day, every chance I got — and I didn’t even realize this was aberrant behavior (I sought help because it was extremely painful to swallow). None of this can relate the dissociation from reality (feeling your body is not your own and as if you’re watching everything around you as if it were on TV) and nightmares of all-consuming fire when reality was too much to handle. 

What on earth could cause all this? You may be wondering. Partly, genes I inherited from my mother’s side of the family; partly, a severe, suppressed childhood trauma that put me in a constant fear for my life; partly, never talking about anything that ever bothered me; and mostly, a very dark cloud that followed me around (fear, extreme empathy for others, and a lack of the safety bubble that most others naturally have). 

While I can do nothing about the genes I inherited, I had help with all the rest, and it took MANY long years to figure it all out — how to thrive despite all the pain and hindrances above. It took church, doctors, physical therapists, medications, multiple relationships, and the support of many to help free me from all this pain and suffering. And that gets me to the below — how you can benefit from my experiences; because, I am now living without pain, without suffering, and as a respected, successful member of my community and society who mostly know nothing at all about these experiences. 

The 5 Top Things to Do to Thrive Despite Significant Hindrances: 

1. Admit to yourself that you need help, seek it, and accept it. 

Without reaching out to friends, family, and colleagues from the bathroom floor, I maybe wouldn’t be here today. Simply talk to someone about what’s going on, seek a trusted doctor when you need help and follow their referrals and advice, and see a respected psychologist (doctorate preferred — I’ve never had any luck with therapists or social workers at all) when you need help working through serious issues. Sometimes, reaching out is about venting, and sometimes, it’s about seeking solutions — know why you’re reaching out and listen to the people who are trying to help you. 

2. Be your own self-advocate. 

I was constantly trying to be perfect and perfectly blameless; this is not achievable — believe me, I tried. Being human means being imperfect — accept that you will make mistakes, admit when you make them, and try and do better afterward. Don’t let others or their judgements push you around or determine your beliefs (especially your beliefs about yourself). Stand up for yourself and what you believe; let NO ONE take you away from you. YOU know your mind and body better than anyone else, and you must speak up for yourself. Don’t let doctors or medications determine your path, and don’t let others make your decisions for you — letting them influence you is one thing; letting them control you is another. Be informed and follow what you believe is best for yourself. Seek other solutions when you’re not happy with treatment — hormones may be involved, for example, and if your doctor disagrees with you, seek a second expert opinion.

3. Use positive self-talk. 

When I first started this, I felt absolutely ridiculous and as if I was lying to myself; a psychologist with a doctorate and more than 30 years of experience helped me change this. This is the most powerful tool for helping change your mindset, and if you need more help than online articles about how to do this, seek an expert for guidance. Positive self-talk alone can help you take control of your life, your perspective, and help you become confident and successful despite hindrances. Believe me — it is POWERFUL and NOT overrated. 

4. Never refuse social engagements. 

This is the single, best piece of advice I have ever gotten from a psychologist. When down in the dumps and feeling like your life is totally being controlled by forces beyond yourself or so far deep in yourself that you can do nothing about them (or so it seems), we can get in a pretty deep “rut” that it seems we will never crawl out of. Go to the cookout; go to the dance; go to EVERYTHING that is open to you, because your mind will thank you for it. Even if it’s only a distraction from your misery, the benefits of social engagement and peer support far outweigh any negative that occurs because of whatever social engagement it is (barring uses of illicit substances, criminal activities, etc., of course). 

5. Do the things you need to do for yourself. 

If you suffered childhood trauma, you MUST stare every detail of it in the face, no matter how much it makes your chest hurt and heave and your eyes leak all your hydration, until you can stare at it and see it for what it really is (NOT YOU, but something you experienced — place the blame on who is really at fault, and that is NOT YOU). You NEED to do things you like to do — hobbies, exercising, treating yourself often; and NEVER feel guilty for it. You need to take care of YOURSELF FIRST — you are no good to anyone else if you can’t take care of yourself, so make it your top priority. A personal mantra doesn’t hurt, either. Mine has always been, especially when life seems more like a complete nightmare, “I’ll keep pushing until I’m dead.” Just keep pushing. And if you still can’t escape the misery, leave it behind — move hours away from everything that holds you back; move states away where no one knows you and you can get a true start again with a clean slate and people who have never hurt you; or move to a new state of mind, where you have greater respect for yourself and take no negativity from others — cut negative people out of your life, because you will thank yourself for it later (no matter how hard it is to do when you do it ). 

Final Words to End on:

Nowadays, the hiccoughs appear very little — only as my mind’s alert system to say I’m doing too much and need to focus more on myself before any pain sets in. Nowadays, I’m thriving in my personal life and in my career, and I enjoy writing on the side. Nowadays, I hope that I am an inspiration to those whom I share my story with. Because of my experiences, I have been able to talk down others from the ledge, I’ve been able to support battered women when they’ve needed an ear and a voice, and I’ve been able to positively influence young minds into accepting the realities that surround us so things can change for the better. If I wouldn’t have done the five things above (and continue doing them to today), there are hundreds of lives that I wouldn’t have made positive, lasting differences in, and my life wouldn’t be as rewarding as it has become. There is a light to find even in the blackest, most morbid darkness; you CAN escape the darkness, but it takes effort and accepting help. You CAN do it and create habits that benefit hundreds in addition to yourself. 

I encourage you to “always keep your chin up,” as I was told once by a teacher. I encourage you to overcome all the obstacles that stand in the way of you achieving your personal peace and happiness. I encourage you to live your own life and write your own story — no one else can do it for you.